One year separation aniverary

A few days ago was the official separation date and by chance coincide with the day we met 22 years ago. Half a life has passed since then, I will turn 44 in a little while.

This song “How long will I love you” performed by Ellie Goulding is very represetative of my feelings and might not be the right song to listen to right now. I have to admit that I can’t hold back the tears when this song comes on.

How can this happen you may wonder if I still have those feelings.

I do not know. We are better friends now than the latter part of our marriage.

Besides, one can not simply turn off memories and feeling of half a life together.

The plan was that we would grow old and grey together, enjoy retirement, become grandparents and enjoy seeing the next generation grow up. Watch the little ones and be able to say “Do you remember when the kids were smaller, these small ones does exactly the same” or “do you remember that expression” reminisce about the good times.

That does not seem to happen now, we wore each other out and made us feel old and gray much earlier and then the marriage died.

Photo: Anastasia Khan

Yes, this year has been different and difficult.

I used to be a fulltime caretaker and spent most of my time with the children and this past year I send them off to their father on the agreed dates. It has been difficult I admit, my heart aches. “Enjoy your free time” people tell me and I try. I try to attend different happenings and meet friends, but all with half a heart.

To my friends I have met, been with in the past year and also have not had time to meet, I want to say: It’s not your fault it’s mine, but I appreciated that you have been there for me.

I could write much more about this subject matter, but thought I should spare you the dreary boredom of me whining.

This could be much worse, atleast I have got my health and family around me, even though some what amputated.

Have a nice evening and hugs from me

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